Hello my friends,
wow, it’s been a week since I arrived back in the states…. I had to take some time to withdrawal… to process… to think.  The past couple of weeks have been so transformative for me. I’ve sat down to write so many times, but nothing comes out…. I’m still trying to find words. So here are a few images and an entry from my journal in Guatemala….

from my journal….

I can’t tell you what’s changed in me since arriving here…..
I only know that there are moments of vivid lucidity that are burned into my mind….
moments when I know something is shifting deep inside me….
These moments come at the most insignificant times…  As I feel the wind blowing through my hair, as I feel the sun on my cheekbones. As I catch a glimpse of my reflection.

This morning, I was completely caught off guard  when I was washing my face, peeking out from behind the towel to dry myself.
the woman looking back at me in the mirror was different.  I can’t explain how, or what I see in her eyes….    but there was a purpose in her eyes that I haven’t seen in years.
a depth…
a reason….
a vision.
my words are so…so  incomplete right now.

Last night I went to bed, both crying and laughing at the same time. How is that possible?  Feeling more alive that I have since that moment that Madyline emerged from my womb…. it was like suddenly I woke up.  like my whole life had just been…. nothing until that moment.

There was a incident yesterday that I’ll never forget, a moment that I think has shifted me forever.…. it was a minute when I thought I was going to die.  REALLY die.  And I’ve never felt that before.
and in this moment, as it was happening, something interesting happened…
I didn’t see my life flash before me like everyone says will happen.
I didn’t think of all the things I wish I’d done.
I didn’t feel regret, or relief.
In that moment, when I really thought that death was inevitable,
I MADE UP MY MIND!
I made up my mind, with the most determination that I’ve EVER felt inside me in my entire life…. that no matter WHAT happens, I WILL NOT DIE! I saw myself transported to the future, I saw that I had so much more to do here, and all I kept saying was “I will NOT die here, I WILL NOT die here!”

And I don’t think I’ve felt that passion for living  EVER in my entire life.
Then when I opened my eyes, and I WAS alive, I was suddenly more than alive. I was awake.
awake and alive.
hmmmm. So the rest of the day was a rollercoster of emotions.  We arrived at a village to distribute food and clothing…. The most beautiful valley I’ve ever seen, that had been destroyed by hurricane Agatha. A village of beautiful people who had lost everything. everything except their lives and community.  People who were forgotten…. people who you don’t hear about on the news. And I saw these beautiful people, I felt so deeply connected to them.  I saw them smiling and glowing despite what they had experienced.  And suddenly all the little things I go through are nothing.
hmmmm.
This work is….
life changing.
amazing.
what I feel deep in my bones.

THIS is what I dreamed of as a little girl.  Using a camera to bring awareness to issues, using a camera to help change lives.  Using a camera to capture beauty in the midst of despair.
And there were times when it was too much for me.  When I had to walk away and cry and compose myself before coming back to my work.  But even in those moments I could have lingered longer.  Even in those moments, I saw beauty……

Melanie Soleil

The new land where one village relocated…. all the structures were built in one week.

children in the emergency shelter documenting their world with cameras….

the crowded clinic at Safe Homes…. it’s the only clinic in the area.

peeking through the window of the crowded clinic…
children wait patiently to be seen at the clinic at Safe Homes for Children

sorting the donations to take to the villages.